Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Depression: the horrible fog of darkness


So I was very unsure about doing this post but I realised it may help one person, and if it does one then it is definitely worth writing. Mental health has been on the rise for years now. Whether that's because the stigma isn't as bad or people are just more aware or the result of all this technology it has it's good and bad points right? So I thought I would share with you how I've been dealing with Depression and how I cope with the bad days with the good. I'm thinking about doing an anxiety post as well depending on how this post is received. All I ask before you comment is please remember this is my experience and that might not be the same as everyone else. If you have a friend or family member going through something similar I'll write a little at the end on my advice on how to approach them but bottom line is - get support. I'll explain what I mean by that later on.
If you want an in depth explanation of depression and symptoms click here so it takes you to the MIND website. But everyone's experiences are different, one size does not fit all. Here is the definition from MIND:
'In its mildest form, depression can mean just being in low spirits. It doesn’t stop you leading your normal life, but makes everything harder to do and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe, major depression (clinical depression) can be life-threatening, because it can make you feel suicidal or simply give up the will to live.'
For me personally there wasn't something specific that happened that made me start developing symptoms. I did have a lot going on but no more than what the usual person has to deal with, I just wasn't coping well with it. I remember the first symptom that was really evident to me was I really didn't want to go out. Any social events I really wasn't interested in going on. Or I'd go and regret going after I got home. Had no idea why, I just wasn't happy. I would finish college and just want to get home to bed as soon as possible, I felt that way for a long time before I realised how much it was effecting me. Another major change for me personally was I was getting very irritated at the tiniest things. I was also getting really teary - which I can say is not like me at all. Again I was just not happy. I think the point where it got unbearable for me is when I couldn't sleep. I was like a walking zombie, I wouldn't sleep at night.  I'd be awake all day avoiding social contact with everyone. I just felt incredibly isolated but yet when friends asked how I was I replied with 'I'm fine.' The way I can describe it is feeling the absolute lowest of the low. Like I was in this sinking puddle which I couldn't get out of. Like a black thick fog of darkness that I couldn't escape from. It's not something I would ever wish upon anyone. There was a point I was suicidal as well. I think it took me absolute months before I got help.
For me particularly it was when the doctors gave me tablets to help me sleep. It was a random day that I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep feeling like this. Since then I forced myself out - I spoke to some really close friends. Just talking about how I was feeling was such a big relief. I took it day by day and I started feeling a bit better. I was and I am stubborn so I didn't seek help about it from a doctor. At the time Connexions was still around and I saw a counselor for about 7/8 sessions and that really helped. (I've had bad experiences with counselors from when I was younger so I was hesitant, but I've learnt it just takes time to find who you're comfortable with and that's fine too). I still have very bad days but I just remember back to that point I was at my lowest and how I never want to be back there. I don't think I've kicked depression as I don't believe it's something that can ever completely go away. I feel a lot more in control though. That's a brief overview anyway, I can go more into depth but it would take a long time to explain.

So if you know someone who is going through depression or you think you have here's the advice I would give.

For those with depression: 
Remember you're not alone - There are so many people battling with depression and the great thing about the internet is that you're now exposed to people who you can talk to. If you're uncomfortable talking face to face then it really does help to talk to someone.
Things will get better, it takes time though - There is no quick fix. Everything does take time, it's okay to have days where you can't physically deal with the world. Just remember that feeling will not stay there forever. You will find happiness in moments again, and when you do hopefully you will try to maintain it.
It's okay to ask for help - I know I was very stubborn and haven't had medical advice on tablets itself or taken any antidepressants, however, I have friends who have and it has made a huge difference. I do believe you have to be ready to accept help for it to work. I was lucky to see an amazing counselor from Connexions but I do wish cognitive behavioral therapy was more common when I was struggling. I know it's very British to not accept help and think you can do it all yourself. And you probably can but it is okay to ask for help and to accept it.
You can be happy again - Everyone is different and with mental health nothing is a quick fix. You can get back to feeling happy and content. That's not to say you won't have bad days where you just want to pack it in but that's fine.
Talk - This is the most important. I think if I didn't reach out to friends I wouldn't have made it through. People care.
You're a survivor - You're here today. You're still fighting, and you're amazing. It may not feel that way  but you are. There are people who care, and you are valuable to this world.

For those who have a friend/family who are suffering:
They may try push you away - This was my default setting when I feel terrible. I push people away, but it only makes me more isolated. Try to be there as much as you can, even if they are pushing you away.
Give them a hug - Or let them cry or get angry or frustrated. Whatever they need, give them a chance to release the bad energy. It could make a huge difference.
It will take time - Again it's more just be there for someone. It can be exhausting on you but they will appreciate it.

The way I personally cope is locking myself away for the evening, crying it out. Letting myself get worked up but it never feels as bad the next day.
I'm no expert in depression, only know what I have faced and seen others face. Sorry this wasn't the most cheerful of topics but it does need to be spoken about more in my opinion. Thank you so much for reading, and if you do want to reach out please do talk to me! I hope this has helped someone at least, everyone faces different obstacles but it is possible to feel better. You're all amazing!

p.s I haven't proof read this in the fear I won't post it so if there's any mistakes I apologize!

Hana ♥
SHARE:

24 comments

  1. A beautifully written post on a very important topic. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I know they will prove helpful to people going through similar. I've been through PTSD & like you've said about depression, I don't think it ever fully goes away, but things do improve. It just takes time & perseverance. I never would have thought I could be this comfortable in my own feelings while it was going on. I wish people understood just how scary mental health conditions can be in relation to a lot of physical health conditions. If your body doesn't work properly but your mind is ok it's so much easier to manage. If you're struggling with mental health symptoms there is no escape & that in itself is terrifying. So proud of you for writing this & sharing your experiences. Xx

    Tania | When Tania Talks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tania that really does mean a lot. It's so tough as everyone faces it differently and I think it is so easy to fall back into old habits. There are things that will take you back there but it is about how you fight back. You're so right in saying it's hard when it's in your mind as it is constantly there and can be so terrifying! Sorry to hear about yo ugoing through PTSD. I think it's so important for mental health to be spoken about! As I went so long without accepting help but now with the internet and media there is so much support out there.
      Thanks again beautiful!

      Hana ♥

      Delete
  2. This is such a great post and it was so brave of you to write it. I love that you've described your own experience. As you say, it's different for everyone, but hearing about what actually happened to someone makes it seem so much more real. I've suffered with anxiety myself and totally know what you mean when you say you can control something like this but it never really goes away completely. Acknowledging and sharing the experience is so helpful and I'm sure anyone going through a similar situation to yours would take great comfort in this post. x

    Kate Louise Blogs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kate, thanks so much. It really is different for every individual and it is something incredibly hard to deal with. I have anxiety too and it's something that crops up every now and then but being aware of it makes a huge huge difference. I really do hope it helps people, even if it makes a difference to one it's made it worth writing and sharing.

      Thank you for reading!

      Hana ♥

      Delete
  3. Thank you for this post, it's really brave of you and really useful for me to read. I also think it's needs to be spoken about more, which is why this post is so great :)

    Velvet Blush

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm really glad you found it useful love! Thanks so much for reading :)

      Hana ♥

      Delete
  4. Thank you for writing such an incredible, insightful post and sharing your experiences with us! I've suffered with depression and my anxiety is still an ongoing this in everyday life. You're right saying everyone experiences it different but it's beneficial to know how others deal with it ❤️

    dellalovesnutella.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still suffer from both too but have a lot more good days than bad now. I hope your anxiety is manageable now and you cope with it well! I don't think there ever is a set right or wrong way to deal as everyone copes in their own little way.

      Thanks so much for reading!
      Hana ♥

      Delete
  5. You did an amazing job Hana, this is so beautifully written. I also suffer myself, and it's an awful 'illness' as you can have a million friends but still feel lonely xxx

    Gemma ♥ | Miss Makeup Magpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Gemma, thanks so much. It is a horrible thing, having friends makes a difference but like you said you can have everyone and still feel alone. I've had a bad week and it's strange how alone you can feel even though you are not.

      Thanks for reading!
      Hana ♥

      Delete
  6. Wonderful post,very helpful to others, it must have taken a lot of courage to write about something so personal ♡
    Sadiya | Sadiya Hearts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sadiya, that means a lot. It's something I don't talk about much at all but I'm glad it's had such a positive response.

      Thanks for reading
      Hana ♥

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. It really is! It's amazing how much of a difference opening up makes!

      Thanks for reading!
      Hana ♥

      Delete
  8. This is such a wonderful post, and so helpful! Not talking about these things doesn't make them go away, I'm so glad you posted this xx

    Alice | daintyalice.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Alice, it's so true. I've found talking has been a key changing point and it still is! Thanks so much for reading.

      Hana ♥

      Delete
  9. I think depression is such a hard topic to talk about because it's not an easy feeling to describe and ti can be different for everyone and vary in intensity, reasons and length. It's strange how a feeling can have so much power over us.

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It definitely is, as you said it's different for every single person. It still surprises me how much it can take over even now.

      Thanks for reading.
      Hana ♥

      Delete
  10. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, reading about these topics in incredibly useful. Hope you can say goodbye to it 100% soon! :) xx
    Gyudy @ Gyudy's Notes Of Beauty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's okay, thanks so much for reading. I don't think it will ever truly go away, I had a bad week this week but I have the hope that things will improve and I think that's the key for me anyway.

      Hana ♥

      Delete
  11. This is a great post.
    I still have yet to write anything on my depression and anxiety, just because I really don't know how to put it into words.
    I'm glad I read this :)

    www.justbeingbrooklyn.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi love, thank you so much. It's definitely a very hard topic to write about, everyones experiences is so personal to themselves it's hard to explain it sometimes. I hope you do do a post if you find a way to write about it.
      Thank you for reading!


      Hana ♥

      Delete
  12. This is a great post :) Thankyou for sharing about your personal experience with depression. I'm really glad you found a great counsellor at Connexions who could help you! I also have depression and I can relate so much to some of the symptoms you mentioned, especially being irritated really easily! Depression and anxiety combined definitely really mess with my sleep, and with fibro on top of it all, I barely sleep at all! It was helpful to read the words of encouragement in your post so thankyou :) You should be really proud of yourself for writing this post, because mental health can be very difficult to talk about x

    www.raiin-monkey.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks sweetie for your kind feedback. I hope you're doing better now and I'm glad the words of encouragement helped! If you ever want to chat I'm here :)

      Hana ♥

      Delete

© HanaRosella. All rights reserved.
BLOGGER TEMPLATE MADE BY pipdig